It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
