I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize