I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
