Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
