I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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