he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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