i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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