It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my liver is dry heaving
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
