Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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