i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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