i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
