I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
