The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
