Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
