My first STD was from a foam party
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
