You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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