Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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