I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
