I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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