She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
