I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
