My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
