please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
