Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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