you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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