I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
