I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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