so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
