Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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