Umm I'm too high to move.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
