I hate your face
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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