Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
