Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you made out with another girl for some wings
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
