honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
