I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
