Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
