high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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