how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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