tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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