She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone signed my nipple.
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