I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
