***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
