Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
