Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
