i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
