Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
