I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
