I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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