I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize