we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
