it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
