he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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