I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
