he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
3 2 1 whiskey
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
