I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
