I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize