You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
