dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
