If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize