just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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