K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MIDGETS
????
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
