A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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