wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
