I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
