My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize