I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
