how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
