he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
