just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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