Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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