Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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