idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
