Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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