I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
